Today..

So I feel like I haven't kept many of you in touch with my life. Things move so fast when you have a husband to take care of, a home to take care of, two full time jobs to keep smiling about, and callings in church and at the temple. It is amazing to me that it has been a full year since I posted on here.

Mini love update:-----I love being married still, things are a little more routine now than they were, but I still have a husband who appreciates when I tell him I love him and do the little silly things for him, and who also enjoys the smile on my face when he does something that makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He isn't perfect at always remembering everything I like or want, but he is perfect at telling me and showing me that he loves and appreciates me.

Now for an update on the jobs we have to keep "smiling" about. Our jobs are great for pay and have great benefits. It is nice to not worry financially about how we are going to get through the month, but both jobs are grinding down on our emotional and physical capacities----He is struggling to enjoy a job where for 11years he was called a diesel mechanic--someone who fixed up semi-trucks for traveling customers and in the recent 8 months his job title has changed to junk yard junker-fixer-upper with mechanical desires.

Recently he spent 3 weeks on the same project---a piece of crap truck that basically had to be gutted and then each part had to be found from the junk yard, cleaned, and modified to fit into the truck.....It makes it hard to keep a smile on and be excited about him having a good job when he is sooooooo over a job that he has no control over. I wish I had a little magic wand that could help me say---"your wish is my command sweetheart" and poof! A perfect opportunity of entrepreneurship would present itself along with the financial plan required to make it happen. I wish I could say to him, it's okay hon---let's just move on----we don't need a job---all we need is love....(that was sung by the way since it is words to a song:)

When we first started dating, I wanted to prob for information about what his future goals were, if he planned to work an 8-5 job every day for the rest of his life being paid less than what he was worth.......I wanted to know if he planned on living in Billings Montana for the rest of his life, and if he ever thought of starting his own business, or of owning a business that reflected his desires. I probed (not because I really want to venture out into such risky behavior, but because I wanted to know if he was willing, ready, and excited to give up something good (because really---it is an great job with good pay)) in order to follow the promptings of the spirit or the needs of his family. Our discussion went something like this.....

Jen: So Chris, what are your plans for the future?
Chris: hmmm, I don't know, what are yours?
Jen: Not the question I asked dear, what are your plans?
Chris: keep working.
Jen: yea duh, but what about the future---do you want to stay working for Darryl?
Chris: well, i don't know---not really, but it's a good job.
Jen: So if another job came up?
Chris: I wouldn't work for a big corporation or a fleet of semi's.....they treat you like crap.
Jen: Okay, so another small business with people who share your values?
Chris: I don't know, if I had another job lined up---I would probably move.
Jen: What about starting your own business?
Chris: uh, it is appealing....but there's a lot more work I think.
Jen: Even with me helping you?
Chris: I don't know---It is a lot of stuff you have to do. I don't want to get myself into a place where I can't manage financially.
Jen: What about moving away from Billings? Have you ever thought of anywhere else you want to live?
Chris: I like Billings, I think I will stay here at least until Dad and Mom pass away, I feel like they still need me.
Jen: Okay, so after they pass away? (his mom passed away a year ago, and his dad is 88 years old---no telling how long before he passes--tough topic, but part of daily life---any day the news could come)
Chris: I don't know. Maybe.

And so it went---Him not really having thought about what he would like to do, mostly about what he didn't want to happen and where he didn't want to go. He wasn't really excited about those types of prospects----I don't think he ever put much thought into it until we were married. Fast forward (vvvrrefphfreewwwwwwwwwwwwwwww(my impression of a VCR fast forwarding) to a year and a half later......THIS conversation is now common place and goes something more like this.....

Jen: How was your day?
Chris: Fine.
Jen: Fine? What happened?
Chris: Oh Darryl did..........and Brian forgot to........and When Luke and his cronie tried lifting the.......I tried to warn them of the safety violation but they ignored me and.........
Jen: I'm sorry hon, what can I do.
Chris: Nothing.
Jen: What did you do when.......?
Chris: I am sick of this....I almost locked up my toolbox and said to Darryl, "I will be back Friday for my last 3 weeks of pay and my tools." and left.
Jen: Really?
Chris: Yea, I just stayed out of the way and didn't talk to anyone all afternoon---it's getting worse.
Jen: Did you get that truck done today? (week 2.5 of project)
Chris: nope, I thought I was done, but Darryl didn't tell me I needed to.......and It really ticked me off---
Jen: So you were done and he came and got after you for not getting it done?
Chris: No, Bill asked me if I did it and I said Darryl hadn't said anything....then Bill told me he did and that I better do it. I wish Darryl would fill out a work order and tell me what he wants me to do with a project---then it wouldn't feel like an idiot and get growled at because I didn't do something he never told me to do, but I am expected to know just because he told someone else---I would be able to say---It's not on the work order. (interjection: Chris is an organized, methodical, man---give him a job, and the requirements and let him do his job----He wont cause any problems...)

So this is a more and more common conversation laced with thoughts and dreams of owning his own shop and planning to do so soon. He doesn't want any employees at first---just wants to get it up and running. We are hoping for the day and the project, but in the meantime I have conversations with myself reminding myself not to encourage him to be frustrated, but more to encourage him to keep smiling and keep his good nature about him. It is hard to encourage him when I am sick of my job too and want my own house that I choose (not the one his ex chose---even though it is a perfectly good home).....It is hard putting things that are important first, and waiting on the Lord for the things that we want and desire. Both of us know that in the near future we will be in a position to do a shop for Chris and be able to move on from these jobs, but for the time being we are trying to keep positive and remember that we are truly blessed. The goals we have for the short term are near completion----when that happens we will be able to change our situation. I am soooo very blessed---can't say I have any room to complain---We both do have great jobs, we have a home with great equity, and we live 10 minutes from a temple---a beautiful temple that we go visit at least 1 time a week as patrons and 1 time a month as baptistry workers. I love my life, and Heavenly Father truly blesses us, but right now our jobs are our biggest trial---a trial that we both know is not everlasting (in it's current condition.)